The questions that people ask, the personal difficulties that people face, the experiences that some have had, the turmoil that others have been through ... I too, have at some stage, asked the same questions, faced the same difficulties finding understanding for what I was feeling and thinking. I have had trouble getting into my body and been through similar turmoil and torment.
There are people who are struggling. There are people who have dreams. There are people who have nightmares. There are people trying to find their own inner child. There are people who have children and are trying to understand themselves and their own experience, so that their children may not have to go through what they themselves remember of their own childhood.
When first I wrote "I AM", I thought to myself ... "Hey, this is easy ... all I have to do is remember this and everything will be ok". However, questions started to rise to the surface, emotions started to flow. Fearful of what was happening, I sought help from a number of people, joined a number of groups, did my quota of training courses which gave me pieces of paper labeling me as some sort of therapist ..
But not once did anyone tell me how to find or to get in touch with my inner self. Some people wanted to "save me", others quoted scriptural texts at me.
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As I reflect over the last ten years from where I am now, I can see the reason why people could not give me answers. They were so busy quoting somebody else that they did not have time to experience for themselves what they were quoting ... and so the words they used were as dead and hackneyed as the books and the authors they quoted.
In my journey, I did find two people, a male and female whose words were "alive". I wondered why. What I found was that these people had become what they were talking about and were using their own life experiences, their own "self discovery" as the basis for their living words. They too, in their journey had asked exactly the same questions as I was asking, had experienced the same turmoil.
I watched these people to find out why and how they were different. At one stage I had them on pedestals as gurus ... but they soon jumped off the pedestal I put them on and hit me over the head with it. Another lesson.
I read many of the sacred texts, the channeled books, tried the self-help tapes and spent a lot of time and money looking for answers. But nowhere I looked could I find an explanation or a "how to" that would allow me, in everyday life, to re-experience the space I was in when I wrote "I AM".
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Every time I tried to go inside, every time I tried to listen to that still small voice, I experienced everything that people share either privately or in our discussion forum. I have experienced the pain, I know the turmoil and I know from my own experience that there is a "light at the end of the tunnel" ... and it is not an oncoming train.
As I worked with people in my groups and with myself, I learnt about the principle of reflection. The first programmed I ever conducted was called "The Mirror". I learned to turn everything I felt inside myself. Yes it was scary ... no, there was nobody to guide me.
But what I did find was that very often I would "realize" something and a book would jump off a bookshelf or somebody else would say something to me, or I would catch something on the news which would absolutely confirm the understanding I reached.
Even though I had got in touch with my "inner guru", there was still the turmoil, still the doubts.
My own body was a foreign vehicle. I tried various exercises out of books, processes that I've been taught .. and each of them worked ... sort of. In the end, with the encouragement of the people with me, I worked out a set of exercises which allowed me, and them, to get in touch with their bodies. I found a set of rules that worked for me and for almost everyone else, including members of the forum ... these are the self-help exercises I share ..
Every exercise, everything that I post either here or on the forum, is something that has come out of my own personal experience.
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As I see it, the forum and this website is about sharing and about making available the self-healing experiences that I and the groups have been through. Its a bit like presenting a map. The only difference is that the map that I'm presenting is one where I have walked every step of the way, personally.
I sometimes look back and wonder where I got the courage from; some called me stubborn; others called it an "act of faith". My parents and school teachers reported that I was "too dammed pig-headed".
Maybe, from the experiences I've had, from the experiences shared by people who have been part of my group here in Tasmania, people like yourselves can draw some encouragement and possibly see there is another alternative to what we've been taught.
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At various stages of the journey, I have had dreams of setting up a "healing center", an "ashram", a community ... and so on ... and there were times when I actually put energy into these projects ... until I figured out that for any of these projects to be able to take form, I had to firstly find the "healing center", "ashram" and community within myself.
Those who have been on the discussion list for some time know of some of the experiences I have written of in this site and also know of the experiences and the learning that I and the group, have had from two little boys, anunda and David.
I accept, unlike my parents before me, that these children came as my teachers and teachers to the group. Watching them grow even more in awe and wonder I ask the question "what is the possible human capable of" ... and what did I know as a child that was shutdown ... and how was it shut down.
This web site and my reflections provide a journey into remembering the truth of who you already are, but somehow you have forgotten, just as somewhere deep within your body, you also remember.
It is a Universal Language spoken by all creeds, colors, races and spiritualities. The only difference between any of us is that, for some, the remembering is a little closer to the surface - sometimes, frighteningly so.
"Personal Turmoil, Therapy, Self Healing, Personal and Spiritual Development" was written, published and © by Transpersonal LifeStreams®, Tasmania, Australia. The URL's of this page are http://www.anunda.com/about/self-healing.htm
Updated January, 2005
some fine print
The information in these pages is freely offered for personal use only. However, it is not specifically based on individual conditions or needs. Before you act on any advice, you should consider whether it is suitable for you.