For 40 years I have been searching .. but for a long time I didn't even know who or what I was looking for .. "god", "priest", "mentor", career, partner, marriage, children .. I was stopped at every turn.
The Violet Flame: Meeting The Cosmic Fire.
Finally, one day doing the mirror exercise, the vision through my eyes changed dramatically .. and I had no option but to focus my mind inward .. and shift my vision from outward searching to inner accepting ..
I shook with the vibration of knots being released as the energy some called Kundalini raged through every part of my body .. there has been no pain like this release that I have ever known .. black shadowy figures and beings of light .. all rising from within my own body.
I wondered many times when I would die .. and always the tears .. and with them all of the emotions that I have ever before experienced .. and then some ..
as far as I had ever looked outside my self for answers, I was taken inwards. I had no choice .. and then .. the absolute stillness of being consumed in the living dancing indigo blackness of what my vision saw as an inner living Violet Flame .. the Cosmic Fire within me.
and the covenant with god
All opposites existing in each and every cell of my body. They make up me .. but they are not me. The nuclei of every cell is cloaked in living indigo .. and is the absolute essence of my Being .. and is that which I have been Seeking.
Attack/repel. The unconscious battle cry of millennia of the attraction and repulsion of opposites. Both the nuclear DNA and the mtDNA being made twice the aberration when the covenant of blood with an external god made finding one's 'core' even more remote and arduous.
The core of every cell .. every frozen gene .. in my body was marked with a blood covenant and my potential barred to my mind. It was relatively easy to penetrate the exterior trappings of mtDNA (my maternal line of ancestors), past lives, reincarnations, soul choices .. all part of my genetic memories .. memories which came from the cells of my unconscious body/mind. But, for me, it was almost impossible to penetrate the 'core' (where the paternal line lay hidden by Mother).
This sort of revelation has, in the past, almost only been possible at the moment of conception and death .. setting up a closed inward loop of reincarnation to try and remember what was forgotten at birth and remembered at death .. too late ..
I saw that my very core was sheathed in an ancient covenant with a god who demanded mutilations of the male's external life force symbol .. without which there would be no continuation of the genetic line.
The nuclei of every cell in my body was tainted .. surrounded and re-enforced by the genetic code of silence among women of their grief of the defilement of male.. and for some also, the circumcision defilement of the female.
When Eve was cursed, so was Adam. The circumcision of male effectively circumcised female too .. and the mark of Cain is the grief of remembering that almost every child carries. Another gate that was barred to the Garden .. another layer of encoding ..
and underneath it all .. Shamballah, the Promised Land, Heaven? NO
Access to the core of my Being .. the last veil to drop. And what do I find there? Silence .. Stillness .. No-Thing .. an indigo Void in the center of which was a Living Fire with a Violet Flame.
All the screaming, the 'noise' encoded in the mtDNA stops. A still point. A gateway to the eternity of beingness. No God. Nothing. Words are a limitation. Even to speak the word is a separation from the still point. There is no reflection in the mirror .. I have disappeared from my own vision. I sit in the silence .. and breathe.
Just in and out breath and the sound of the silence. Breath and sound. The Cosmic Fire. My Core. Innocence that has no name and cannot be owned. God was the name given to the Violet Flame so it could be controlled - owned by religion.
Breath and hissing sound sheathed by the mtDNA carrying all of the genetic memories of every sentient being who walked the earth .. all of my ancestors right back to the beginning ..
The screaming of the mtDNA was deafening and this was the cry that has screamed in me for so long that "there must be more to this life .. there must be something else ..it can't be all there is .."
and pushed me to remember ..
to remember and honor the silence in the core of every cell of my body and the space from which I came .. No light .. just the soft indigo luminous glow of the darkness. Yet not dark.
That is what envelops the body after death and the tunnel of light .. just like a vast ocean .. so easy to meld into the soft luminous life force moving in every speck .. Home.
It has been easier to forget .. and fear the fire of potential of the core of my Self.
I saw how I had spent lifetime after lifetime spent searching for the truth .. My Truth. To the point of this lifetime of now recognizing those whom I have met in other bodies in other lifetimes .. shared souls with even. I have remembered vows made .. to come back and re-join and break the codes. Vows broken by the fear of religious persecution .. and death without resolution.
But also knowing of having had to wait such a very, very, very long time to see the mirror of my Beloved in the eyes of another.
To be able to see who I really am through the reflection and realization of core in another.
To finally see the real me .. first in the mirror .. and then, when I turned inward .. within my cell-f .. the physicality of my own body.
I know that this lifetime has not being in vain .. that the purpose of my reincarnation has now being realized .. and I have lived to see it in full consciousness .. finally ..
The immutable fire of the core of every cell of my body .. the Violet Flame, the Inner Cosmic Fire can now meld with its outer protective sheath .. all aspects of male and female no longer separate
Conception of cell-f .. merging in full consciousness on every level .. in an adult body ..
without having to die to remember..