Fate dragged me out of the ethers to re-incarnate to fulfil the needs of others. With no free will, a hapless victim was born into servitude, to be used in whatever ways to give meaning and to serve the purpose of others.
Meaning and Purpose
from the patterns of my Life
Like the smallest ripple in the ocean
even a thought echoes through eternity
It is now up to me to create some meaning and purpose from my life. As I look back, up until now I have had no free will to a purpose or destiny I could call my own. My fate was to fulfil the expectations others have had for me.
Fate or Free Wlll
My destiny is now in my own hands. As I look back at my life, up until now I have had no free will to a purpose or destiny I could call my own. My fate was to fulfil the expectations others have had for me.
All of the body beliefs that I have realised and made conscious. My body was not a safe place to be .. unable to conceive of a child .. let alone myself. Servitude to the Church (in answer to my mother's prayers) through years of devotion to its teaching which .. I didn't want to even do. Failed relationships .. inexplicable sicknesses that vanished as mysteriously as they came .. feelings of being overwhelmed .. time and time again aborting true realisation of my Cell-f.
None of these were MY body beliefs but the beliefs of others - dead and alive. Their prayers, hopes and expectations projected on to me that I would fulfil their needs, and give them a meaning and purpose to their lives.
Time and time again I fell short of their expectations .. not beingthe dutiful daughter, the Madonna, the selfless saint ..
How could any of these expectations ever be fulfilled when they were not even mine.
A Search for Meaning - My search for the underlying purpose of my being.
What if there is none. What if there is no identifiable purpose for my being other than what was defined by the needs of my mother when she became pregnant with me - to fulfil her own mother's needs to replace her own dead babies.
I have heard the echoes of prayers around my conception. Even now I can feel and hear the prayers coming from my mother hoping I'll 'get better' and 'come to my senses' .. according to her idea of who I should be for her.
Sending light and love is responsible for misery and empty lives. The thought forms do go out and are felt, but they are no more or less than the aborted, fetid, incestuous empty desires of people not willing to look at their own denials .. people who prefer to consciously and unconsciously to spray their lost hopes and purposelessness on others weaker and more vulnerable than themselves.
Like etheric vampires feeding off the hopelessness and search for meaning of others whilst not recognising the mirror in themselves. And even if it is brought to their attention persist in their 'my god is greater than yours' facade to hide behind and 'that couldn't possibly apply to me' syndrome.
Victims don't become they are born that way. Born to satisfy the emptiness in others who then project their emptiness on the small vulnerable body of a child. And if there is no hope then the body of the child becomes a vessel to physically be abused in whatever way possible.
The 'if I can't have it .. you can't have it' syndrome.
Where do I fit in?
I have had no purpose or free will until now. My whole existence and purpose was to fulfil the dreams of others. But in the process, my life became a nightmare, living out all of the unresolved behaviours and grief that happened to people in my genetic line - consciously and unconsciously.
My body is so tired of the fight. The battle to establish identity free of the shackles of the past and its claustrophobic expectations which cause disease, ageing .. and kill in the end .. and are passed down the genetic line.
Over and over again all the projections at conception are replayed every time the record is attempted to be changed. Frozen in time.
My conception of who I am was nothing more than the prayers of my mother and grandmother around my physical conception. I have a clear memory of those now .. I felt them in my body .. and now I have the words to put around those feelings. My father was a tool tolerated only for that purpose.
I have no soul it is simply a conglomerate energy force of all the projections, hopes and dreams of mother and grandmother and my only reason for being.
I now know that, if I had not done this work, that when this body dies the thought form will move into space and time and wait for the next person in the genetic line with the same resonant frequency to summons it back in using prayers, love and light. Pity help the child. Even more so because it will be part of me - again.
So do I have a choice?
What is my purpose - who really is this lifeforce in this body this lifetime. What of a personal destiny .. any future?
With everything that I have brought to my consciousness, I have realised and discovered how much I was simply clearing generations of purposeless souls - including mine. Without this clearing, I would just replay the past again - generation after generation, incarnation after incarnation. At least it's familiar!
If choice is based on Will then the only means to move through this is to use Act of Will. Even if I am not sure if it is my Act of Will .. but I do know it can be invoked.
I do know thought forms travel outwards and the vibrations move from one object to another.
I do know that even in spite of the past that in this moment I can invoke my Act of Will and there will be a disturbance in the space time continuum and there will be change.
It is up to me to be very specific as to what I choose to create .. otherwise I also know that the universe has its own way of presenting mirrors and opportunities.
MY choice is to define and create MY own purpose. Based on what I have learned from my past experiences, seeing and understanding the patterns .. and knowing that there is another way .. MY way
It's like opening the oyster shell and finding the pearl is there and has been sandblasted to perfection over many, many lifetimes.
What I create as the meaning and purpose of the experiences of the rest of my life is my choice .. now.