Rememberings so deeply buried were awakened that I often felt like Alice in Wonderland.
Except it was so real. I learned a whole new vocabulary in 40 weeks. My catholic
upbringing that had set rigid parameters and had held me in place all my life .. was
shaken to its foundation. |
.. after a lifetime of searching for answers
The illusion around my world opened its doors into dimensions upon dimensions - the WHY that no-one else had ever been able to give me. Not doctors, counsellors, clairvoyants friends or family.
The Transpersonal Mirror Program
provided practical tools that could be applied in every day life and, for me, they actually worked. Most of them are presented on this site in the self help section.
- The Mirror - being that every person I met reminded me of a reflection of some aspect of my own personality, sometimes deeply buried and 'mirrored' it back to me through their behaviour or words. A gift from them to me.
Sometimes it was an aspect that I didn't want to acknowledge or even like. The greater the reaction towards that person .. the greater the mirror for me. The key was understanding the source of the reaction and allowing its release. Processes and exercises were developed to aid this focus.
So many revelations about my Self packed into those 40 weeks. Explorations of the conscious and unconscious of my mind and body. Realisations of how much I didn't want to even acknowledge that I had a body .. my body consciousness stopped and started from the neck up! My body had never been a safe place to be and there had always been a lot of pain associated with my periods.
After a lifetime of searching for answers the WHY that no-one else had ever been able to give me. Not doctors, counsellors, clairvoyants friends or family.
Reasons why I kept repeating patterns in my life over and over again and couldn't seem to break the cycle. Issues with people that had gone unresolved and created distress .. the reasons why I kept taking on projections from other people and couldn't seem to maintain my own centre ... the knowing that here had to be a better way. Issues about identity - did I really think I was who I am ..or the sum total of aspects of personality of all the people I had ever given my power to for their approval.
Issues about my mother and grandmother. Ways in which I was living out the life of my dead grandmother .. and repeating all of her patterns .. unconsciously. (Particularly since I was born on my mother's 28th birthday (Saturn return) and so inherited not only her issues but those of my grandmothers passed down through the mitochondrial line.)
Exploring the role of my ancestors in my life and how it was influencing my life choices in this lifetime. The Family Tree turned up some very interesting 'hidden' relatives, including a nun and priest who were definitely working outside the confines of their vows!
It was always stressed by Chris that these were body memories coming up for release they may or may not be true .. but for me in my life, the issues of the archetypes of nun and priest had been playing a very big role for a very long time (and at the time I had been teaching in a catholic school for 6 years)
I remember one person in the group who denied any aboriginal blood in the family tree. Absolutely and unequivocally. Two things happened .. a brother sent a revised copy of the family tree which absolutely confirmed aboriginal ancestors and highlighted the lies in the 'official' family tree. Secondly, I saw a full blood aboriginal cross the room and stand in front of that person. But with the denial the aboriginal faded. There was fear in the person's eyes when told.
One of the weekend intensive retreats facilitated by Chris with the focus of some 60 people from the groups who were intent on releasing their ancestors was .. memorable.
The energy was palpable and the room danced with the glow of lights of many different hues. That night millions of tiny lights went home and for me, it felt like many of my ancestors trapped at death by their own self judgements went 'home' and were freed, consciously by me and the energy. My body didn't need the weight of their judgements and fears but I was grateful to them for the gifts that I had re-discovered.. my 'seeing' being one of them.
The purpose of my incarnation in this lifetime and the lessons I have come to learn .. which was one of the first things that came up from my body memory. I even surprised myself with what came out..
The memories of my conception and the consciousness of my mother at that time. The memories that my body carried became very clear to me and explained how at the time of my conception each year I always got sick.
Memories of my time in utero facilitated by a 'Birth Wheel'. My mother's feelings towards me during each month .. confirmed through conversations with her about events at that time in her life .. indeed some of the confirmations I did not want to know. Such as how she nearly lost me during a particularly stressful time in the pregnancy which came up first, in my body memory, and was confirmed later.
The vivid remembering of my birth and the struggle to be born and how mother held on through her own fear of the pain of labour so I was born late and nearly died. It also explained how each year leading up to my birthday I would get very sick with severe tonsillitis and have an awful birthday.
The memory that came up from my body and was later confirmed by my mother was that the cord had been wrapped around my throat and nearly strangled me and I had also got stuck in the birth canal and had problems breathing. Speaking out had always been traumatic. Felt like I was choking on the words. In my life I was always late for everything and left all major work to the last minute then I had to rush things to get completed.
My mother's disappointment with me when I was born and did not have red hair .. lots of memories buried deep in my body which came up for release and in doing so I freed myself from my birth script. I don't get sick around my birthday anymore.
There was no blame of my mother .. she did the best she could and it was a process of forgiving her and myself and releasing the patterns that were holding me.
The illusion around my world opened its doors into dimensions upon dimensions. Rememberings so deeply buried were awakened.
I often felt like Alice in Wonderland. Except it was so real. I learned a whole new vocabulary in 40 weeks. My catholic upbringing that had set rigid parameters and had held me in place all my life .. was shaken to its foundation.
My 'seeing' was fully re-awakened and led to visions .. some of which frightened the life out of me! Words and realisations came to me. Pieces of puzzles in my life started to fit .. why I had kept repeating patterns over and over again.
I had opportunity to express myself in a safe environment .. to speak and write my truth without fear of ridicule or judgement for the first time in my life. It was an awesome gift and I could see how it was facilitated in each member .. people were starting to blossom.
The group learnt to respect each other and allow each individual their own expression. Part of me was terrified and part of me couldn't wait for more ..
Contained in this section of the site are my process notes, and the revelations that came to me during my own Transpersonal Pilgrimage.
It is still being written ..