anunda - the gentle art of transpersonal communication
education, counseling and parenting

Hearing the Children

An Overview

I fully realise that a lot of the approaches that we have towards the ‘upbringing’ of David and anunda may appear (to some) as being controversial.  What the future brings these children as they grow into young adults I can only speculate on at this point in time.

David and anunda were born to unmarried mothers who have been in my group for some time now.  The consciousness of the work that is described elsewhere in this site has been applied to the first almost two years of their life.

During their pregnancies, both of the mothers attended group sessions … and since the children were born, they have also been present in group sessions with their mothers.

The circumstances around their upbringing so far are a little different to the normal family situation in that the household is a small community ... in fact it's almost like a tribal situation.

However I do believe that it is possible to apply these same principles in normal households where a child, or children are being raised by Mother with or without father's assistance.

In fact there are other members of the group who have observed the processes that I have used with these two little boys and applied them to their own children … with very marked changes in the children's behavioural and learning patterns.

Some of these principles have also been applied by several of the group members who are school teachers … and similar results have been obtained in the classroom situation … where there have been measurable changes in both behavioural patterns and scholastic achievement.


We started with the concept that these children came as our teachers.  We observed what the children did and applied the mirror back to ourselves "what are these children trying to show us, what are these children trying to mirror to us about our behaviour, thoughts, feelings and emotions".


We were very conscious not to apply the words "can't", or "shouldn't" to these children in either thought or word.   One thing has come out of this is that these children (in our perception) are growing up without limitations applied to them by any adults. We have also noticed that neither David nor anunda seem to have anything to prove either to themselves or to us. The explanation that I have for this is that they do not have to find a behaviour or a set of rules, which they need to obey or comply with.

They play happily amongst themselves and spend quite a lot of time just sitting, in absolute stillness, watching what's going on around them.  They have been encouraged to interact with other children and fit in quite comfortably with boys and girls quite a few years older than themselves.

Both little boys were walking by five months.  They are both talking.  They are both counting on their fingers.  Various people who have seen them cannot believe that they are only 20 months and 22 months old.


When, in their explorations of life, they get into a situation where we feel their actions are unacceptable, somebody takes the time to explain what or how the action is unacceptable.  The important process in this is that the child is given absolute total attention.  We find that the child will look us directly in the eye and always gives some indication that he has understood what he is being told.

I must qualify the preceding paragraph by adding that the first question we ask is "what is the child trying to tell us, or show us, that we are not getting".    Sometimes it has been sufficient to ask the child "what are you trying to show us" and the child will find some other way to get the message through.


It has become very much a case of "hearing the children".  Many times we have found their behaviour challenging in that their behaviour challenges our concepts of what a child should or should not be able to do.   Many times, as adults, we find the mirror so very, very strong as we are reminded of the way we were brought up as children and how various things were said or done to us which had the effect of "shutting down" the spontaneity of our expression.


We are also finding as the children develop more verbal expression, they are very "psychic" and are able to express a knowing of things that they could never have seen or were never told about.  This raises the question "how much did we know as children that we were forced to forget because out parents and teachers could not cope with their own feelings of inadequacy".


Another thing we have found is that the children quite often act out our unconscious thoughts.  For example, not so long ago, there was a difficulty in getting the children to go bed on group nights and their behaviour would tend to be a little disruptive.  I watched the energies of the room and ask the group "who wanted to avoid the topic of the night's discussion and wanted to children to play as a distraction".  One or two of people admitted to those thoughts and immediately both boys took their mothers by the hand and led them off to bed.  There have been other times when it has been very obvious that the children were acting out projections that their parents (or others) had been putting out (in silent thought) that this is how the children will behave.


Both little boys were vaccinated.  The conscious choice was taken primarily on the basis of the possible after effects of contracting specific diseases.  We were however conscious of our own memories of being vaccinated.   When the two boys were taken to the doctor, the focus was on explaining to them exactly what was happening (much to the doctor's astonishment) and yes, there were a few tears, but no lasting effects.  The doctor later commented to us that a lot of the trauma was, in his experience, the parents' remembering of their own injections and passing that onto the children.

Contrary to popular opinion and belief, both boys have been allowed to cry as much as they wanted to. Yes, there have been reactions from people in the room to the tears and noise they were making.  For some, it was the remembering that they were not allowed to cry as children.  For others, it was the manner in which they were stopped from crying.

There have been a number of times when I have held both boys and allowed them to give voice to their feelings.  When they have fallen over or hurt themselves, I have noticed that they will cry for a few minutes and then the crying will turn into "toning".

It is my observation that many times what we, as adults, perceived of as "crying" by the child is actually some innate knowing where the child is applying the power of "tone" towards healing its own body.

At other times, we have observed that the children cry when their mothers are experiencing a whole lot of grief which they are not giving expression to... It's almost as though the boys were crying their mother's tears.

Enough from me at this moment... There are more stories that are to follow this page …


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