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«  A Plain Man's NotebooksTranspersonal Life StreamsOn the Nature of Love
and the emergence of a Plain Man

So I hear a song ..
and it makes me weep

So I hear a song and it makes me weep .... emotion so strong ... sadness so overwhelming ... so visceral ... and physical a response that it is beyond conscious thought and I know it is body memory ... remembering hurt ... remembering betrayal ...
and remembering when I was a child and only wanting to hear my parents say they love me and never hearing it and never feeling it .... and wondering if I will ever know what it is to be loved ....
Has anyone in my past ... ever known Love? ever felt worthy of it? ... a grief too deep to bare ...
How many people weep silently and are not heard ...

How many people are judged as 'mad' ... because they dared talk about their truth ... as it was to them ....

How many generations of them ... your ancestors, my ancestors ....

How many sought religion, a saviour, a panacea for this visceral grief ...
for what ever reason ... it doesn't matter ...

and yet, those memories are passed on to us in our bodies ....

and reinforced because your mother, my mother could not look us in the eye when we were a baby ... and see there the love and the innocence we knew we were ....
What did you see when you looked in your parents' eyes for the first time ...

Did you see their grief ...
Did you see their remembering of their own defiled innocence ...
Did you see that your parents couldn't recognise you for what you were ...
Did what you felt from your parents when they said 'I Love You' belie those words ...
Did you feel, that what you saw coming from their eyes, their bodies was not the love you knew you were ...
Did you know that in order to survive you had to 'learn' to conform ...
and did you learn from them ... how you should love ... and that was ... foreign to you ... and is foreign to you now ...

so that you cannot feel what people really mean when they say "I love you" ... because the feelings associated with those words were painful to the infant's body ...

and when you cried, the right thing to do was to 'pacify you' ... with a tit .. or a bottle ... or a dummy ... or you were left alone ... feeling their resentment, their thoughts and feelings, their emotions ... their unexpressed tears ... a love so hollow ...

...... and you grieved that they who gave you life could not accept the gift of life that you were ... and you asked the question ... Why .... ?

Oh yes ... your body remembers ... as did mine ...

But ... within the remembering lies the wholing ... the healing ...
just by remembering ... and letting go ... releasing the judgement and the grief of how you (I) compromised our innocence ... as an act of compassion for a parent who refused to remember ...
We learned to look outside for the love we were ... and we were told about 'God' ... and again we saw the lies ...

Within the remembering lies the remembering of how you had to learn to play the game in order to survive ...
and you (I) judged that ... and added to your grief ... the forgetting of your childhood innocence ...

Can you remember that innocence ... and now you are an adult, change the reality for your inner physical child ...

Can you allow the forgiveness of the unconditional compassion
of the inner innocent

You ....
 

"So I hear a song and it makes me weep" was written, published and © by Transpersonal LifeStreams®, Tasmania, Australia. The URL's of this page are
http://www.anunda.com/notebook/01.htm and http://www.lifestreams.com.au/notebook/01.htm.

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